Tag: relationship

If you’re an ex, you need to read this…

…and even if you’re not an ex, you might still something.

Yaknow…I have to start this quick rant by saying…I honestly feel blessed to have been in the relationships I’ve been in, and to have met, called friends and regarded as loved ones some of the most awesome women on the planet. Seriously. You all know who you are and should be smiling šŸ˜‰

…but every once in a while “people” pop up (by *people* I mean women with a weird obsessive grudge and some sort of creepy need to cyberstalk me) that really make my arse twitch.




This is just another day in my life…

Picture a small suburbian corner store.

Most of the people living in and around the area may not know each other, but we’ve seen each other before. We say hi or at least nod to each other in passing. It’s a pretty friendly day. I have an incredible addiction to TruMoo that draws me to the corner store almost daily.

As I approach the entrance, another patron approaches the same door and I open it for her. She seems surprised and looks at me like I just did something unheard of. I say, “After you.” I go and grab my Trumoo and as it happens end up in line behind that same woman.

As we’re in line we both seem to be cutting joke with the staff there (this is a regular thing) and the woman seems incredibly familiar, or maybe it’s the other voice yelling inside my head “GET HER NUMBER YOU MORON!” …there’s no doubt – she’s cute, outgoing and I place her at around 30(ish).

Still **something** stops me…it was totally subconscious. No rings, no ring marks, no indications that she’s an axe murderer…so why am I not engaging the conversation?!

She gets through with her purchases and the internal conflict in my subconscious is totally becoming audible to me.

I get through with my purchases just as she reaches the door and I am STILL not pulling the trigger. This simply isn’t me. I may not always make a move or engage someone that is interested, but it’s always a pretty conscious choice…yet still here I am and I can already tell. I’m not going to talk to her.

It turns into slow motion. She’s stopped at her car and is just leaning against it now smiling. I smile at her, she smiles back…

…and I get into my car and start driving away.

Yup. Not only did I not take advantage of the chance…I am getting the distinct impression I just totally choked…and THAT is not how it works in TonyTown. I may be a big dork, but striking up conversation isn’t usually a problem.

…I drive about ten feet forward. What the hell?! Am I turning into THAT guy?! The one that can’t approach someone on a dime? It’s not like I’m Don Juan or anything, but approaching and talking…lol…I’ve been doing that since I was born! She had a great personality and I am obviously interested…why not ask?!

At this point my brain does its thing and I manage to rummage through a gazillion years of memories to find the few that my subconscious had access to that apparently weren’t connecting with me.

That attractive and compelling woman and I had met before…and now I know why I was holding back. She was an ex of one of my oldest friends and undeniably one of the centerpoints of absolute psychotic behavior I and a number of my friends had ever encountered. She was the center of a number of trashed friendships and for a couple of those friends the crux of trashed relationships.

Now it was clear. Man…it’d been 10 maybe 15 years…I honestly don’t know if she’s still the same person. I just remember the windfall of crazy shit that happened to me at her hands.

I stopped the car for a sec and looked back her direction. Yup…there she was.

I move on and remember that my brain is incredibly functional and will sometimes look out for me even when I might be thinking about (or with) something else.

Yep. Just another day. šŸ˜‰

-Tony




Black Ink Revenge

by Automatic Loveletter

When I heard this it was a start reminder of how far I could let my imagination ruin great relationships, great friends, and promising futures. A gazillion years later, I wonder if I can stay humble and pray I never have to live in those moments again. -Tony

I wanted this
I wanted you
I wanted it to last but you fell through
Now east coast boys, don’t you see
That here on the west we follow our dreams,
Why don’t I know you anymore
The color of your lips are red and I swear I never wear lipstick
Ohh my god I drank too much,
Laughing while I’m crying, don’t you let them know your dying,

Dying, dying to break out dying to get that skin out,
Through the window of the upstairs, click my heels but I am stuck here,
I’m pledging and this is how, I’m swearing to you now,
The whole world will hear me shout out,

This is the last time, this is the last line,
Sunset to sunrise morning to midnight
This is my goodbye
Blow out the candle, The bottle is dry
And if pages learned to think
You’re not even worth my black ink revenge
I guarantee guarantee you’ll miss me
I can’t stomach this
I think I’m going to be sick
My heart’s made of wick, and you put the fire out of it
With the kerosene, shocked my feet
She smiled at me and closed the door
But not to sleep

This isn’t making any sense
I was worse the night before it
The smell of your sheets is the remnants of the
Breaking of my heart
You’re breaking it so hard
The whole world will hear me shout out

This is the last time, this is the last fight,
Sunset to sunrise morning to midnight
This is my goodbye
Blow out the candle
The bottle is dry
And if pages learned to think
You’re not even worth my black ink revenge

I guarantee guarantee you’ll miss me
And so I’m writing you out of my dreams
You’ll miss me I swear when I leave
Yeah I’m writing you out of my dreams
You’ll miss me I swear
Cuz I’m writing you out, I’m crossing my T’s
I want back the necklace I said you could keep
You miscomprehended and I scorn you till death
My words are as strong as my last gasp of breath
Leave nothing behind not a trace or a crumb
No clues to unlock, how painful this was

So I’m writing you out of my dreams,
You’ll miss me I swear when I
This is the last time, this is the last line,
Sunset to sunrise morning to midnight
This is my goodbye
Blow out the candle
The bottle is dry
And if pages learned to think
And if pages learned to think
You’re not even worth my black ink revenge