Tag: tonytown

Rx (Medicate) by Theory of a Deadman

Big Ass Mug Of Get Shit Done

Big Ass Mug Of Get Shit Done

Sundays are my “jam out” days. The normal crap, clean house, finish laundry, relax, smoke some meats for the week’s meal planning, finish expense details for taxes, write 5 proposals, write an article for a security client, outline remediation for another client, exercise, try to finish some electronics projects, study for my ham cert,try to figure out how to address a $50,000 hospital bill…you know…a normal Sunday, right? The very first thing in this amazingly relaxing day is me having to take my daily meds…the single most important part of my day…where I have an abnormally large jug of coffee (black) and a small handful of medicine that make living “normal” for me. I am lucky in that none of these meds are mind affecting…but there is no way out for what I am currently taking. It’s my life. If I want to walk, to live, and be functional (physically)..these are a must. For a guy that is not an addict, I am locked into an environment that i cant get away from (easily – we’re working on it really.) Occasionally we come out with better meds, and life gets a little hassle from side effects.

While I talk about this, I consider myself lucky. I’ve lost a LOT of friends to addiction. I am lucky because my worst vice is a love for cooking and my Big Ass Mug of Get Shit Done, I cant say the same for so my loved ones over the years. This song made me stop and take stock this morning, and felt it was worth the share.


Rx (Medicate) by Theory of a Deadman - Lyrics

Rx (Medicate) by Theory of a Deadman

Wake up to a cloudy day
Dark rolls in and it starts to rain
Staring out to the cage-like walls
Time goes by and the shadows crawl
Crushin’ candy crushin’ pills
Got no job, mom pays my bills
Textin’ ex’s get my fill
Sweatin’ bullets, Netflix-chills

World’s out there singin’ the blues
Twenty more dead on the evening news
Think to myself “really, what’s the use?”
I’m just like you, I was born to lose
Why oh why can’t you just fix me?
When all I want’s to feel numb
But the medication’s all done
Why oh why does God hate me?
When all I want’s to get high
And forget this so-called life

I am so freakin’ bored
Nothin’ to do today
I guess I’ll sit around and medicate (medicate)
I am so freakin’ bored
Nothing to do today
I guess I’ll sit around and medicate (medicate)

Can’t wait to feel better than I ever will
Attack that shit like a kid on Benadryl
Chase it down with a hopeful smile
Hate myself, if I can go for miles
They say family’s all you need
Someone to trust can help you breathe
Inhale that drug, but you start to choke
You follow the outs of an inside joke

Why oh why can’t you just fix me?
When all I want’s to feel numb
But the medication’s all done
Why oh why does God hate me?
‘Cause I’ve seen enough of it, heard enough of it, felt enough of it
Had enough of it!

I am so freakin’ bored
Nothing to do today
I guess I’ll sit around and medicate (medicate)
I am so freakin’ bored
Nothing to do today
I guess I’ll sit around and medicate

Medicate
Medicate
Medicate
Medicate

Superman is a hero
But only when his mind is clear though
He needs that fix like the rest of us
So he’s got no fear when he saves that bus
All the stars in the Hollywood Hills
Snapchat live while they pop them pills
All those flavors of the rainbow
Too bad that shit don’t work though
Your friends are high right now
Your parents are high right now
That hot chick’s high right now
That cop is high right now
The president’s high right now
Your priest is high right now
Everyone’s high as fuck right now
And no one’s ever coming down

I am so freakin’ bored
Nothing to do today
I guess I’ll sit around and medicate (medicate)
I am so freakin’ bored
Nothing to do today
I guess I’ll sit around and medicate

Medicate
Medicate
Medicate
Medicate

I medicate


So all that said, addiction is a big deal. You should never let it ride, it is worth fighting every minute, every day, with every breath. I asked my awesome friend Brittany over at Impavidus Counseling for some useful links and resources if you’re dealing with addiction. SAMHSA (linked here) has a ton of useful resources for you.



A Toast to Chester…

Music is Life

I make no secret about the importance music has in my life. At least an hour of my day has music in it intentionally. Not a schedule. Every day i pick the jams. It has had such a profound effect on me that for a long time I would even write in some blog entries on it in Tony’s Music. You can totally say Tony is a dork. But the reality is that music has always been my escape. It has been the voice of reason, expression, intent, consolation, and every other little voice we all have in the back of our head (it isn’t just me right?) *grin* when something really messed up is happening.

Suicide Sucks

Suicide has always been a bane for me. Like a lot of people, I simply dont deal with death very well (read THESE) and suicide is even worse. So in getting the news today it really left me numb…upset…angsty…the same thing every other time suicide makes an appearance in my life…I try to figure out how or why I didnt see it coming, why I didnt reach out more…all the stupid things and idea that rummage through your head when you try rationalize what just happened.

The Concert is a no-go for me

I was planning on being at the Linkin Park concert coming up in October. I was going to enjoy the concert on my terms without 50000 screaming fans weren’t all up in my space. 😉 But now…I don’t think that concert is a good idea for me…it well known that I don’t really do well at wakes, and thats what an LP concert would be to me now…a great big wake with 10000 other people there that are probably thinking the same thing. When I am at my most sensitive, there is always some asshat at a wake that I visibly have trouble restraining myself from shutting him up. Rather than be that guy…it’s just easier (and probably a bit more responsible) not to allow that kind of scenario to play out. I find something fun to do and relax and remember all the awesome things. A concert full of drunk people isn’t fun…for me its a fracking powderkeg. So that’s a big ol’ nope.

So while this week has been insanely busy…Chester’s suicide has totally been crawling around in the back of my mind…

One More light

Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can’t keep

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh
And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair
Just ’cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it, isn’t there

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Well I do

Find Linkin Parke here.

FYI – Sometimes I talk a lot about death, it’s a coping mechanism or some facsimile thereof. 😉 You can see all the other posts like that HERE.



5 Minute Fixes and 2 Dollar Steaks

tonytow tony hunt gets angsty

Some things just absolutely tick me off.

I’ve always prided myself on my dedication to being the best I can be in my arena. Don’t get me wrong, there are PLENTY of people that know more than I do regarding IT…but there aren’t so many that when we meet, that we don’t recognize the need to network. I only do pc support for locals, they visit, bring their machine, sometimes a bottle of wine, and I hack on their stuff in spare time…it keeps me on my game, it’s never the same, and it’s basically it’s great to meet locals.

Sometimes you think its only a 5-minute fix…

Humility licks in for me when you’re 3 tiers and over 100 hours into a technical issue with Dell’s best people helping, and the the guys got enough knowledge that we compare training and knowledge to see where we need to brush up, and immediately swap contact information so we can pick each others brains without red tape, and of course compliment the guy for being committed to the solution. There aren’t many of us around…it’s not an age thing, its the caliber of training and whether or not you actually applied it.

Hell, the guy before me that passed the buck we’re working on now wouldn’t even touch the work, he billed more than me, ran completely unnecessary diags (with dated diagnostics – I found the logs), and shrugged his shoulders and left. If he’d spend 5 minutes listening to the client, he’d have known the hard drive was dying and the laptop was still under warranty. But that wasn’t the real problem either, and now because the rest is proprietary, I’ll just say that it’s nice being at the top, and pretty fun knowing that those now 20+ year old skills are still more effective than the overpaid support monkey trying to act like they are competition.

Yes, I am working at 2am…because it needs to be done before tomorrow so I don’t have scheduling issues.

Yes, this kind of thing normally takes 5 minutes…but then, sometimes things are tougher than a two-dollar steak and you still have to eat it.

The competition wonders why people come to me over them…it’s because it’s 2am and I am working.

…and I have somehow learned to love a two-dollar steak.

–micdrop–