Tag: impression

Road to Nowhere

Road to Nowhere
by Bullet for my Valentine

It’s so weird. How long ago doesn’t matter now…a few years back, I’d made a hard decision. It was the kind of decision you make when a potential relationship presents itself that looks completely like a fast road to a not-so-quiet grave. So when I said no, it never occurred to me that she saw “us” me as a way to break away from living in a bottle, rather than my impression that it was an invitation to spend the rest of our days looking through tequila-stained glasses. Of course, after pushing away from the relationship, we rarely spoke, and when we did she was harsh. It hurt to end such a long relationship/friendship (we’d met in college), but it hurt even more about a year later, when we’d found out she’d taken her life. Why doesn’t matter. What matters is this ominous feeling that I could have helped more, I could have not been oblivious, I could have not been such a hardass, I could have been the rope she needed to pull herself out of the rut she was in, rather than the rope she’d use to end it.

-T




This is just another day in my life…

Picture a small suburbian corner store.

Most of the people living in and around the area may not know each other, but we’ve seen each other before. We say hi or at least nod to each other in passing. It’s a pretty friendly day. I have an incredible addiction to TruMoo that draws me to the corner store almost daily.

As I approach the entrance, another patron approaches the same door and I open it for her. She seems surprised and looks at me like I just did something unheard of. I say, “After you.” I go and grab my Trumoo and as it happens end up in line behind that same woman.

As we’re in line we both seem to be cutting joke with the staff there (this is a regular thing) and the woman seems incredibly familiar, or maybe it’s the other voice yelling inside my head “GET HER NUMBER YOU MORON!” …there’s no doubt – she’s cute, outgoing and I place her at around 30(ish).

Still **something** stops me…it was totally subconscious. No rings, no ring marks, no indications that she’s an axe murderer…so why am I not engaging the conversation?!

She gets through with her purchases and the internal conflict in my subconscious is totally becoming audible to me.

I get through with my purchases just as she reaches the door and I am STILL not pulling the trigger. This simply isn’t me. I may not always make a move or engage someone that is interested, but it’s always a pretty conscious choice…yet still here I am and I can already tell. I’m not going to talk to her.

It turns into slow motion. She’s stopped at her car and is just leaning against it now smiling. I smile at her, she smiles back…

…and I get into my car and start driving away.

Yup. Not only did I not take advantage of the chance…I am getting the distinct impression I just totally choked…and THAT is not how it works in TonyTown. I may be a big dork, but striking up conversation isn’t usually a problem.

…I drive about ten feet forward. What the hell?! Am I turning into THAT guy?! The one that can’t approach someone on a dime? It’s not like I’m Don Juan or anything, but approaching and talking…lol…I’ve been doing that since I was born! She had a great personality and I am obviously interested…why not ask?!

At this point my brain does its thing and I manage to rummage through a gazillion years of memories to find the few that my subconscious had access to that apparently weren’t connecting with me.

That attractive and compelling woman and I had met before…and now I know why I was holding back. She was an ex of one of my oldest friends and undeniably one of the centerpoints of absolute psychotic behavior I and a number of my friends had ever encountered. She was the center of a number of trashed friendships and for a couple of those friends the crux of trashed relationships.

Now it was clear. Man…it’d been 10 maybe 15 years…I honestly don’t know if she’s still the same person. I just remember the windfall of crazy shit that happened to me at her hands.

I stopped the car for a sec and looked back her direction. Yup…there she was.

I move on and remember that my brain is incredibly functional and will sometimes look out for me even when I might be thinking about (or with) something else.

Yep. Just another day. 😉

-Tony




Stop Cancelling Sci Fi and Fantasy TV Shows Please !!!!

Is it odd that I wish I had a very in-depth knowledge of how the inner workings and decision-making in which tv shows aired? I am just seeing some incredibly poor decision making.

I think SciFi appeals to most of us who work in IT. In addition, this crowd (and then some) are among the most wired-in people on the planet. The first to watch tv, the first ones in the theater. Yes…I am talking about those of us that freak out because they feel guilty about missing the midnight showing of opening movies.

That is US.

Now the big question…why the &^%$ do the networks continue to treat our demographic as if we don’t count.

We’re the first ones to run out and buy the sports car we don’t need.
We’re the first ones to jump on the bus for almost any tech you find at CES.
Even more importantly…it’s usually our demographic that continues to develop technologies you use to market your franchises better.

…and you cancel our shows constantly.

I will be honest, this started for me with a tv show a lot of you probably never heard of called Crusade. It was a spin-off from Babylon 5. One of the most successful Sci-Fi dramas ever that wasn’t shut down because of its popularity, it was shut down because the primary audience watching it didn’t watch anything else from TNT. Tell me that isn’t some seriously ass-backwards thinking.

“Hey we have this INCREDIBLE show that has successfully run for five seasons, had TWO movies run on it. But we have to cancel it…these nutjobs that like this show dont like all of our other (lower-rating / less-popular) programming.”

A few years later…they cancel Firefly why? Because ratings were low and the last dying breath of all Star Trek series was ready to debut and they (Fox) couldn’t find another slot for it. HINT…ALL SCI FI TV SHOWS START OUT WITH LOW RATINGS…THEN IN A YEAR THEY MAGICALLY HAVE 4MILLION VIEWERS PER EPISODE.

Yep…this is me being angry. Why? Because in the last few years they cancelled Heroes, Terra Nova, Alphas, Dollhouse, Stargate Universe, Eureka, Sanctuary, The Secret Circle, Terminator The Sarah Connor Chronicles, The 4400, Jericho, Jeremiah, Brimstone, Dark Skies, Farscape, Millenium, Moonlight, The Pretender, Roswell, Space: Above and Beyond, Threshold, Touching Evil, Dark Angel, V (the reboot), Caprica, Flash Forward, The Event, Defying Gravity…

That is the SHORT list.

Anyhow, I saw a comparison…the productions costs are next to nothing to do reality shows, versus the production costs for sci-fi…even though SANCTUARY was almost 100% cgi…making the funding relatively easy…they got so popular that they got picked up for tv…and then TV shut them down.

Lame, very lame.

I guess my real point is that you guys making all those big decisions should remember a couple things…the biggest sellers of all time are ALL sci fi and fantasy. And that genre’s primary audience and demographic are the very same people you WANT to engage and keep happy. They are the tech head, the geeks, the Engineers, and the Kids that grow into the greatest Imaginations on the planet. Give us some brain food and entertain us. Give us a reason to be loyal viewers, and quit making us feel like you’re still under the sorely mistaken impression the world still thinks the geeks of today are content to only eat what little crap you’re feeding us.

If you want to see a really depressing list…go HERE.

Yes. Tony is a dork. But I am a dork that loves his sci fiction and fantasy…and hates to see good plots get thrown away…

-Tony