Tag: jackass

My Friday…

LameTwitterMonkeyJackAssSoooooooooooooo…at a bout 2:30, I decided I was going to make myself stew in the slow-cooker. FOr anyone normal, this would have given the stew about 4-5 hours to be ready and yummy. But not me…here’s how mine went…

2:30 Got crock pot cleaned and ready.
Chopped Carrots.

2:35 Got sidetracked.

3:00 Got potatoes chopped and ready.
Chopped Green beans.

3:05 Got sidetracked.

3:45 got onion chopped.
Made sausage and crackers for lunch.

4:00 Got sidetracked.

4:30 Remembered I was prepping stew.
Saw Squirrel.

5:00 Remembered stew, chopped up sausage.

5:05 Fucking squirrel.

6:00 Remembered I was prepping a stew, chopped up the garlic.

6:05 Remembered I still had work to do.

7:00 I like my stew spicy, chopped some serrano, added salt n pepper. Back to work.

7:40 Turned the damn crock pot on.

7:45 Realized the damn stew wouldn’t be ready til midnight. Deemed blogable.

No joke…this happened…just another day ๐Ÿ˜‰

-T




Getting faked out by Google people who aren’t really Google.

tonytown tony hunt gets angsty about google people that arent google

Some things just absolutely tick me off.

So this really cool-sounding woman calls me and when introducing herself implies that she is with Google. I manage a large number of Google Profiles so this doesn’t really surprise me that they are calling as I get a couple from them a month regarding ad campaigns n such.

But she was talking about a new feature program that would place MY company in the top position in local searches for web design and small business IT solutions. Of course I was getting all puffed up because I was being led to believe my online profile was giving me a nice rep.

As it happens, they went so far as to ask if I was going to be able to handle the new influx of business beforehand so that I wouldn’t lose the ratings I get from my clients online. Again…ego gets even more inflated because I’m set up to accommodate any amount of business very quickly and this kind of trend could net me crazy income in just a short time.

I manage to finally chime in, I am surprised to hear about this program from Google, wouldn’t this come under severe scrutiny? She says, “no it’s always been a part of the system, the business benefiting from it never advertise that their getting the service because that would defeat the purpose.”

No I am just mystified. I actually do SEO and SEM. I know how page-ranking and back-linking works and the formulas necessary to get a top-rated searchable profile on the net…it normally takes years unless you spend a SERIOUS amount of cash monthly in content building and linking. So of course I am like, “Please sign me up I am all about this.”

She tells me to hold on as she’s going to get me over to one of the techs to get some details on the profile.

A moment later a guy gets on the phone and he’s like, “Umm. Mr. Hunt it shows here your a web designer.” I answer, “Well I do a ton more than that but yes.” He then asks me if I do SEO, and I answer Yes to that. Then he asks me why I’m interested in paying his company to to do SEO for my own company.

There it was. These guys weren’t Google, they fast-talked with a good voice so confidently that I was led to assume that’s who they were.

These guys are going around selling leaving the impression with businesses that they are with Google and they aren’t. They’re just people offering to do SEO and SEM.

Ugh.

If you’re wondering which company it was, they are called Hot Spot SEM, you’ll see I wasn’t the only guy that was given the impression he was getting a call from Google directly. Normally I wouldn’t have posted such a rant publicly, but this was absolutely misrepresentation and the fact that I was given the impression they were Google tells me this was deliberate.

If you’re doing SEO or SEM the process always works, there is absolutely ZERO need to portray yourselves as Google. I see the intent in garnering more clients, but it’s a shit tactic…thus you get my post here on my blog.

http://m.mrnumber.com/1-949-268-1067 <-Notice I wasnt the only person that felt this way.




Some advice on raising children.

This little diatribe is focused solely around parents who forgo common sense and think that diligence isn’t anywhere near as important as neglecting to educate their kids on acceptable uses of the English language and certain slang that will make said shitheads the subject of rants on my blog.

FIRST…Don’t teach your child it’s okay to use the “C” word. Women get violent when they hear it. Friends of women get real mad as well, and write mean things about parents that think this is cool…or worse, they write about you and depict pictures of angry gorillas flipping you off (see below).

SECOND…If you find that your child has learned of this word, ground them for even knowing it….give them the knowledge that the “C-Bomb” is likely to land them on the receiving end of hell’s hot poker. It will save you time later when they don’t believe how serious you are about never using the word…again, ignoring this leads to an end result being you getting outed on the internet, likely with your foul-mouthed child.

THIRD…Most importantly…When you miss the golden opportunity to educate your child about the taboo of using this word, and they hear it from your kid and your kid was talking about their daughter, the Mom will get absolutely unimaginably scary HOLY CRAP THEY’RE GONNA CHOP SOMETHING OFF violent.

LASTLY…and if you’re the dumb jackass that actually laughed when you found out your son did this…

I am so gonna write about it…and if …on the off chance I run into you in public, I am really gonna run into you…like a great-big-gorilla-ain’t-gonna-let-you-get-past-him-run-into-you. I wouldn’t laugh ever again, grow a pair and take some responsibility for your child. Apologize to the mother, hell cook her family dinner and mow her damn lawn. Show some damn respect.

I mean COME THE F*(&^ ON! Who the hell thinks that kind of thing is funny coming from kids in elementary school?! You have to be some piece of effing work. Said parent is probably some asshat that never thinks they’ll get named or feel any sort of repercussions of an issue like this, so here’s my offer ๐Ÿ˜‰ Most people that read my rants know that while I am hardly an internet superstar, people that get named on this blog are inexorably written into the un-deletable and 100% forever searchable annals of the internet archives.

But hey, don’t mind me. I would be much more worried about the really badass Mom you totally pissed off by laughing when you were approached about the issue. The cool part, is I haven’t been told who this was about (yet). I think it would be soooo awesome of said father to apologize in a seriously grovelling manner before some investigative work gives me an identity to associate with this rant. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Someone might be wondering why the hell there are pictures of gorillas in this article. It’s because they are far better examples of good parenting than the *&%*&^ that thinks his son dropping the C-Bomb on a little girl in elementary was humorous.

…just sayin.