Tag: Tony’s Music

A Toast to Chester…

Music is Life

I make no secret about the importance music has in my life. At least an hour of my day has music in it intentionally. Not a schedule. Every day i pick the jams. It has had such a profound effect on me that for a long time I would even write in some blog entries on it in Tony’s Music. You can totally say Tony is a dork. But the reality is that music has always been my escape. It has been the voice of reason, expression, intent, consolation, and every other little voice we all have in the back of our head (it isn’t just me right?) *grin* when something really messed up is happening.

Suicide Sucks

Suicide has always been a bane for me. Like a lot of people, I simply dont deal with death very well (read THESE) and suicide is even worse. So in getting the news today it really left me numb…upset…angsty…the same thing every other time suicide makes an appearance in my life…I try to figure out how or why I didnt see it coming, why I didnt reach out more…all the stupid things and idea that rummage through your head when you try rationalize what just happened.

The Concert is a no-go for me

I was planning on being at the Linkin Park concert coming up in October. I was going to enjoy the concert on my terms without 50000 screaming fans weren’t all up in my space. 😉 But now…I don’t think that concert is a good idea for me…it well known that I don’t really do well at wakes, and thats what an LP concert would be to me now…a great big wake with 10000 other people there that are probably thinking the same thing. When I am at my most sensitive, there is always some asshat at a wake that I visibly have trouble restraining myself from shutting him up. Rather than be that guy…it’s just easier (and probably a bit more responsible) not to allow that kind of scenario to play out. I find something fun to do and relax and remember all the awesome things. A concert full of drunk people isn’t fun…for me its a fracking powderkeg. So that’s a big ol’ nope.

So while this week has been insanely busy…Chester’s suicide has totally been crawling around in the back of my mind…

One More light

Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can’t keep

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh
And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair
Just ’cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it, isn’t there

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Well I do

Find Linkin Parke here.

FYI – Sometimes I talk a lot about death, it’s a coping mechanism or some facsimile thereof. 😉 You can see all the other posts like that HERE.



Kiss My Disease

How often do you hear a song that inspires you to overcome your yourself? I think I first checked this song out in like 98 or 99. I didn’t like it much at first because I identified with it a bit too closely and didn’t like it that my own self identity was so easily plugged into a few verses of a song by a band that no one hardly knew existed anyhow. Regardless after a few times I eventually decided I like the song (I was already hooked bad on the band). And felt it was almost an inspiration to listen to before I set out to save the world 😉

Well it’s been a few years, I haven’t quite finished saving the world, but I have a few things to be pretty satisfied about and decided to listen to the song again.

Here are the lyrics, I highly recommend the band as well.

Kiss My Disease
From Virgos Merlot – Signs of a Vacant Soul



Road to Nowhere

Road to Nowhere
by Bullet for my Valentine

It’s so weird. How long ago doesn’t matter now…a few years back, I’d made a hard decision. It was the kind of decision you make when a potential relationship presents itself that looks completely like a fast road to a not-so-quiet grave. So when I said no, it never occurred to me that she saw “us” me as a way to break away from living in a bottle, rather than my impression that it was an invitation to spend the rest of our days looking through tequila-stained glasses. Of course, after pushing away from the relationship, we rarely spoke, and when we did she was harsh. It hurt to end such a long relationship/friendship (we’d met in college), but it hurt even more about a year later, when we’d found out she’d taken her life. Why doesn’t matter. What matters is this ominous feeling that I could have helped more, I could have not been oblivious, I could have not been such a hardass, I could have been the rope she needed to pull herself out of the rut she was in, rather than the rope she’d use to end it.

-T