Tag: lesson

The first step…

A long time ago, I taught myself that the hardest step was the last.

As it happens, that so not true.

The hardest step is the first. We should all want to be better, and I think that that specific decision…THATS the hard one.

The decision that says, “Okay, I might not want to rule the world…but I want to make my part of it a better place to live in.”

Or maybe like whatever happens, you get it in your head that before you move on to greener pastures, you have to be someone’s hero, or be a hero to the world or mother nature, or your kids or your parents…whatever. The need to stop living status quo and move forward, and live by example, or at least live in a manner that isn’t centered on self gratuity that will let me, when than time comes (hopefully a very very long time from now) I will lay my head down with such an amazingly clear conscience that the the universe’ only option will be to sweep me up and show me what I missed.

I’m not sure if that’s some sort of karma, or maybe some afterlife of kundalini. But what I am sure is that I am pretty sure I know what it’s like to be at peace, and while I am not always in that happy place, I know how to get there. The joy in a child’s smile, the love in a girlfriends embrace. They might just be examples but they are definitely good ones. I’ve been such a die-hard loner for so long I think I actually forgot how to be someone’s better half, or even to recognize it when they might be mine.

It’s actually kind of freaking me out. No I am so not having any midlife crisis. I’m pretty sure everyone realizes that a guy with the mental development of a twelve year old doesn’t actually get a mid-life crisis. Perks of being twelve on the inside I guess, I get to make fun of guys driving corvettes my entire life, rather than just the first half πŸ˜‰

Anyhow, back on point. So it’s time. I’ve cleaned up, the only issue I have left to obliterate from my life is my health. I barely drink, I haven’t had a smoke in over a year and know for sure I’ll never need one again. The rest is just painful memories of a different guy that hadn’t figured out some important lessons yet. I can live with that, and those few friends that have learned to forgive and/or love me for the change are still around and I am far far stronger for it.

All that’s left is the physical remnants of depression and overwhelming and repeated loss. Lets see what you’re like after 5 good friends kill themselves in under 2 years…its actually more than that, 2 other people I knew as well…couple that with a couple crazy as hell ex’s and I am completely surprised I’m not in an institution. But…I digress.

This is about the first step. The one where I stop being overly concerned with all of my many many bad decisions and start living with my good decisions. I am working out, paying off the last round of credit, and finally starting to make plans on a house. I am hardly planning for the white picket fence, I don’t know that I’m even a good candidate for it. But I know I am happy when I am helping people, so that the direction this goes. Making myself happy, and in the process hopefully sharing a little of that happy with my loved ones πŸ˜‰

It’s not really a bad first step is it?

-T




Too cool to get a ticket!

This is truly a lesson on perspective.
This is also a lesson on what I might be hearing at any given point throughout the day *grin*


Too Super Cool For His Ticket – Watch more Funny Videos




The Dog…

This is one of life’s lessons you hope never happens to ya, a dog you’ve grown to trust as your friend gets ugly.

Be patient, some of this is fuzzy, it was almost 30 years ago πŸ˜›
This happened back when I was 5 years old, and was a pretty big deal at the time. My mom and I were alone in the house for a while and my Mom had borrowed her sister’s dog for added security. “Spade” was a jet black Lab/Colly mix that I had long since befriended and he was one of my friends to play with as a kid. One night its was getting late i was watching tv, I got real tired. Since Spade was right next to me sleeping blissfully away, i thought he would make a great pillow and put my head down on his chest.

Spade was greatly startled and growled and snapped at me for what seemed like 5-10 seconds. What really happened was the dog was having a dog’s version of a nightmare and I was mauled when the dog was woken. After the dog got through, I turned to my mom (who was knitting on the couch behind me) ans said, “Something is wrong with the dog.” I have never seen a look of terror so great on my mom’s face. All of a sudden I realized that i could not see through my right eye and my lips felt funny. My mom was running to me dragging the phone in one hand and a towel and stuff in the other…

…*blink*…(minutes pass)
We’re driving someplace, I think the hospital. Aunt Toni and my Mom keep yelling at me to keep the towel pressed to my eye.

…*blink*…(minutes pass)
I am on a hospital gurney. There is a gazillion people standing over me and we’re moving quite fast. Everyone is talking to me and I am trying to respond, but it doesnt seem I have the ability to speak properly all of a sudden.

…*blink*…(minutes pass)
I am in a scary room with lights. The guy standing over me says “Tony, you’ve got to try and stop talking, we cant help you when you’re talking.” Another guys says, “Turn the juice up, he’s not going under without a fight.” I remember distinctly being able to count down to 56 from 100 before the lights went out.
…*blink*… (days pass)

I wake up to being dressed like a mummy!!! As I am trying to make sense of things like – Why am I bandaged up all over my head? Where am I? Why wont my legs move where I want them to? I figure comes in and tells me I need to go bacl to sleep. The world goes dark again…

…*blink*… (days pass)

I wake up again, this time I am WAY HUNGRY. I see that to my left is a candy bar waiting for me on the nightstand. I reach for it, and am quite thankful they didnt dress my entire body up as a mummy, as well as having a snack ready. I get myself off the bed and promptly fall down. All of a sudden there are bunches of people around me all grinning ear to ear and it seems like everyone is carrying a present of some sort…WOOHOO!! I try to talk and find that this stupid mummy thing is REALY getting on my nerves. People are totally interpreting my words wrong and scrambling to get stuff I dont need…wierdos. I decide that the funny mask has to go and reach for it…suddenly everyone is holding me down. I still dont know whats going on, and proceed to start bitching at everyone in the room with alot of words I am not supposed to even know yet.

Then…I get a taste of the truth. I am told that they are keeping me sedated on purpose because i keep trying to mess with the face mask. I retort that it may have worked better if they had remembered that I could hear just fine, and thankfully didnt get put to sleep again…at least not by more drugs…however it seems what was already in my system was enough.

..*blink*… (days later)

I wake up again…everyone in my local family is crowded into the room. One of the docs I remember from the gas-mask count down incident is checking my bandage…no…he’s taking it off!!! A big letdown, he’s only taking it off enough to let me speak clearly (as much as possible with 70+ stitches running throughout my mouth.)

…*blink*…(amount of time unknown)

The big day is here!!! I get this stupid bandage off! Everyone is around again, i have candybars…pop…and a pile of homework thats just scary all waiting for me πŸ˜‰

…*blink*…(amount of time unknown)

I am fully coherent now, the drugs have worn off, and I have seen what happened in the mirror…it was pretty gruesome. I also get more details about the incident. I was in shock so much that the NO2 they were feeding me wasnt working well. It’s also the reason everything was so clear. However they had to give me too much, and me, being a little 5 year old boy, too a nice long nap. Yes…that time measured in weeks. Technically they never said the word “coma” to me, but thats what it felt like and ther was an element of dialogue I remember occurring with my mom and the doctor that was deliberately forgotten after I came to.

So, I am awake and totally hating it…there is this big wire loop coming out of my eye! There are stitches virtually everywhere and I am all kinds of swollen. Three more weeks I endured those damn things…still hated them.

…the worst part was my reaction to dogs. Even though I had one, I still never really got over what the dog did and to this day can “freeze up” when a dog enters the room. It happens only once in a blue moon now. But after spending so much time terrified of them, I almost feel like it was misused time. My next dog will be a German Shepherd / Mastiff mix.
The moral of the story:

Let sleeping dogs lay.

Dont use sleeping dogs as pillows either.