Some advice on raising children.

This little diatribe is focused solely around parents who forgo common sense and think that diligence isn’t anywhere near as important as neglecting to educate their kids on acceptable uses of the English language and certain slang that will make said shitheads the subject of rants on my blog.

FIRST…Don’t teach your child it’s okay to use the “C” word. Women get violent when they hear it. Friends of women get real mad as well, and write mean things about parents that think this is cool…or worse, they write about you and depict pictures of angry gorillas flipping you off (see below).

SECOND…If you find that your child has learned of this word, ground them for even knowing it….give them the knowledge that the “C-Bomb” is likely to land them on the receiving end of hell’s hot poker. It will save you time later when they don’t believe how serious you are about never using the word…again, ignoring this leads to an end result being you getting outed on the internet, likely with your foul-mouthed child.

THIRD…Most importantly…When you miss the golden opportunity to educate your child about the taboo of using this word, and they hear it from your kid and your kid was talking about their daughter, the Mom will get absolutely unimaginably scary HOLY CRAP THEY’RE GONNA CHOP SOMETHING OFF violent.

LASTLY…and if you’re the dumb jackass that actually laughed when you found out your son did this…

I am so gonna write about it…and if …on the off chance I run into you in public, I am really gonna run into you…like a great-big-gorilla-ain’t-gonna-let-you-get-past-him-run-into-you. I wouldn’t laugh ever again, grow a pair and take some responsibility for your child. Apologize to the mother, hell cook her family dinner and mow her damn lawn. Show some damn respect.

I mean COME THE F*(&^ ON! Who the hell thinks that kind of thing is funny coming from kids in elementary school?! You have to be some piece of effing work. Said parent is probably some asshat that never thinks they’ll get named or feel any sort of repercussions of an issue like this, so here’s my offer 😉 Most people that read my rants know that while I am hardly an internet superstar, people that get named on this blog are inexorably written into the un-deletable and 100% forever searchable annals of the internet archives.

But hey, don’t mind me. I would be much more worried about the really badass Mom you totally pissed off by laughing when you were approached about the issue. The cool part, is I haven’t been told who this was about (yet). I think it would be soooo awesome of said father to apologize in a seriously grovelling manner before some investigative work gives me an identity to associate with this rant. 😉

Someone might be wondering why the hell there are pictures of gorillas in this article. It’s because they are far better examples of good parenting than the *&%*&^ that thinks his son dropping the C-Bomb on a little girl in elementary was humorous.

…just sayin.