Tag: Rants

I blame it on Mondays.

It’s been a long and dreary weekend.

I had a huge arthritis attack starting late Friday night that hasn’t left yet. Now this is actually something I can function through (as in, I can get up and make it about ten feet before the pain gets to be too much) enough that I can work from home (like today). But regular things like grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment, visiting with friends…these are all things that are not really within the scope of my mobility.

This weekend was pretty set.

Was going to take my nephew out for his 17th birthday.
Was going to hang out with a bunch of really cool friends at a cook-out.
Was going to go completely overboard and show up at a friends house Sunday morning and cook them some of the awesome breakfast tacos.
There were some other cool things I would have liked to do too.

I didnt get to do any of them…when you’re not mobile on anywhere near a regular basis…you start feeling drained before you’ve even put up a fight.

So…it’s Monday. I worked from home today…thats what I am doing on Mondays. Worked out because the swelling in my right foot hasnt gone down yet.

I still cant do much more than hobble for short distances, and after I do…well lets just say that I takes me a minute to recompose myself.

Yep…hurts that much.

So…I am confident that the attack will be going away soon. I’ve been taking Prednisone for 3 days, Colchicine for two (yes, thats a day over normal dosage), and there isnt much left to do but wait it out.

Unfortunately I have to go to work tomorrow. If it’s possible for me to get there…I need to go.

I had to do laundry still. I procrastinated hoping that it would be easier tonight than Saturday or Sunday. No such luck eh?

I got the wash done. Each trip down to the washer and dryer is actually just enough for me to recover so I can make the trip down.

About halfway into the dryer cycle I get a sinking feeling someone is messing with my laundry and going back down to the laundry area (I can see it from my front door it’s not far).

I hobble out and as soon as I am facing the laundry area, I look up to see some asshole rummaging around in my clothes. Of course he bolts.

..and here I am completely unable to walk right.

He didn’t get any of my clothes but I haven’t felt more helpless in my life.

..yep…this is me pissed…




F#ck Measuring Tape

F#ck Measuring Tape
by Natalie Tran

If you’ve ever wondered exactly why I love watching these vids. It’s like seeing all the things that I notice in life and remark upon before my accursed problem kicks in (the one where I suddenly have the attention span of a spastic monkey and forget what I was thinking about.) She remembers!! …and then she makes he most hilarious vids about how stupid humanity is in general.

Anyhow, check her out.

…and then check her out HERE.




A leap…

I feel like I am on that edge…

…7 years old and looking down wondering why I had the urge to jump from a perfectly good platform into the pool below.

…15 years old and looking down into that crystal blue heaven 45 feet below wondering how I forgot the rush.

…23 years old and looking down, nothing but air between me and the world thousands of feet below wondering how many times the dice get rolled before one of these leaps is the last.

Years later I see that leap coming up again. Metaphorical or not…it’s coming.

This isn’t a leap of faith it’s a leap of joy. It’s the first step of a new journey. When I was 7 I learned that I wouldn’t die from taking chances or being stubborn. When I was 15 I learned that I wouldn’t end up in pieces if I made a leap of faith into a pool of water almost 50 feet below. When I was 23, I learned that my body had limits…yes…after all the experiences before…it wasn’t clear for years. If I had a chance I’d take back none of those leaps. There were points of transition for me…and another one is coming up.

It doesn’t have to be a metaphor to jump. And you don’t have to skydive to learn you’ve put your body and soul to it’s limit.

The leap is about being ready to transform your life and I think it’s about time I made it.

A couple days ago i hit rock-bottom emotionally…on accident. I reached for my phone to call Andy. I stopped. It sucks pretty damn bad when you forget such an old friend is gone. You start wondering who the hell am I going to talk to now? I didn’t want to talk to anyone all of a sudden, a it felt like I was looking for a replacement and the conversation definitely wouldn’t be the same. Don’t get me wrong, I recognized the rut for what it was…and then I saw something else. It had only then occurred to me that I was avoiding a whole horde of friends because I didn’t want to go through wishing Andy was around for this or that. I live with the fondest of memories of him, it is not being able to sit down and bleed in conversation with him that drives me nuts. I brought myself to a stupendous low in only the few seconds it took for my clueless ass to realize I was about to try and call a dead friend to bullshit.

…but after that last couple years…Andy leaving us all was the closure. The precipice was in sight. I was avoiding it for months, then for a few more I laughed at it promising myself “Not again!” and then I realized I had finally learned to hesitate before jumping.

All these leaps weren’t metaphor, they were real, and they represented a strong change in my directions, goals, and beliefs. What is happening now is nothing more than me growing that much more. It’s not about my god, yours, your job, or my corporation…it’s about where I want to be years down the road, and the truth of it is I don’t want to be concerned about trying to call a dead friend and I don’t ever want to hesitate the next time I need to make a leap.

…and for what it’s worth, Andy would say “It’s not like anyone can stop you.”

…and I would…no…I will be taking that leap.