Imagining the worst, hoping for the best…
It’s common knowledge. I write some of my best stuff when I am about to boil over and wreck someone’s day. So I guess what I am going to do is something like that.
I am going to let you all imagine a little something.
Imagine you have this friend, a dear friend that means the world to you.
Imagine you get a message from that friend…that she has been having some incredibly difficult family problems involving her sociopathic and incredibly violent douchebag ex-husband (who we will imagine is called Jordan1). She is concerned for her children… yes, the same ones we will imagine have proven he has abused2 That’s right, imagine she’s already had him proven to be abusive to the kids (in court no less).
Imagine finding out that she was instructed to stop reporting the abuse or she would lose her children by DFPS3 not because they were false, but because they didn’t have the ability/manpower to process the reports she was filing and she was questioning their ability to do their job. I imagine I would already be calling shenanigans…
Imagine finding out that the DFPS deliberately informed the psycho asshat ex-husband when she was taking the kids to visit her parents, and how incredibly coincidental it would have been that someone broke into her house, and stole important documentation, than trashed out the entire house…all of it.
Imagine hearing that she’s so afraid of retaliation from her ex-husband that she moves an extremely promising blog offline to keep the psycho asshat ex-husband from going off the deep end and showing up to kill them all …imagine that I’m not even joking here people…Imagine someone chaining you through fear and terror so much that you can’t express yourself anymore. Imagine that while tracking her website it’s found that psycho asshat ex-husband is hitting her site over 50 times a day (fyi – this is reaaaaally too much even if they’re really really funny).
Imagine finding out the DFPS turned around and dismissed all the reports because the pictures didn’t show enough damage like bruises arent enough to prove abuse?!, only to find out that they looked at black and whites instead of the color originals that were actually submitted with the report.
Imagine it’s been a year, and he’s been reported directly to the DFPS supervisor about the injuries at least 6 times. SIX TIMES in over a years time, not including the medical personnel that the mother brought the child to after the kids were injured so bad they had to see a doctor. Imagine the police are now saying that they don’t want to hear a report from you unless there are broken bones involved.
Imagine that the psycho asshat ex-husband got away with breaking into and destroying everything in the her house…everything. Stole all her documentation, the kids birth documents, her laptop (which held all of her professional and personal documents), this jerk even stole some of the kids clothes.
Imagine this piece of work was just discovered to have stolen and used his ex-wife’s identity to secure a wireless account through AT&T and running up hundreds of dollars.. Imagine AT&T wouldn’t admit to any wrongdoing on their part.
Imagine this asshat actually got caught bugging her home. Imagine how invaded you would feel if you found out that he bugged your home, and the cops weren’t able to convict him for it even after he’d admitted it was his when it was found.
Imagine that not only did DFPS toss all that out. Imagine that the counselor (we’ll call her Annette4) in charge tells your friend that since her ex-husband (who makes six figures, only has a 30 hour work-week, and doesn’t even pay his support on time) is under so much stress with his job and the divorce that she, the mother -who has to work extra hours every week because said imaginary douche canoe ex-husband isn’t paying his support to her – will now be expected to transport the kids to him for visitation. Imagine this asshole man, already proven to be violent and constantly under the influence of pain-killers and heavy anti-depressants. Then imagine that not only does your friend have to permit him around the kids, imagine her being told she will have to actually drive those children to him…just imagine a social worker telling you that, under pain of reporting that you’re not following a court ordered visitation.
Now imagine having to see your child returned to you bruised and injured every single time the psycho asshat ex-husband is given unsupervised visitation…for the last year.
Now imagine your child returning to you from visitation and finding out the psycho asshat ex-husband has taught his 3 year old son to call his mother a whore.
I want you to imagine trying to protect those kids, when the very system designed to protect them is more interested in exposing them to an abusive and violent sociopath.
What would YOU do?
Me? I imagine I would I call her every day to make sure she’s okay, and that her kids are okay, and then I’d get more and more angry and eventually write about it in my blog. I imagine I would want to know who’s in charge of making sure the DFPS is handling their cases properly. Because I imagine I haven’t heard from DFPS regarding any reports. I imagine tomorrow I’ll be able to spend the time necessary to make all the phone calls I need to the media regarding this (those that aren’t already subscribed to me via RSS), since I imagine the DFPS didn’t find one of these reports important enough to follow up with me on…namely MINE.
I imagine that dear friend is so far away that I’ll have to take leave from my job to come down there and help. So before I do that, I am going to let everyone else I can think of reaching know about this…because I imagine I know of at least one person that’s reported these problems to the DFPS that still hasn’t been contacted, and if so the ball is getting dropped bigtime.
Hear that?…that’s the sound of the clock running out before the charade is at an end and we can imagine the police finally being able to charge that psycho asshat ex-husband with something that will stick.
…that’s the sound of the time running out before we imagine the DFPS realizes that so much damage lays squarely at their feet that despite it being almost impossible to fix, they will start.
…that’s the sound of the clock as time continues and we imagine someone reads this and finally realizes they might not be imagining a damn thing.
Before you label me for going too far. Before you think I shouldn’t be involved. Please know that I deliberated for a LONG time about posting this. In the scenario depicted above, an incredibly dear friend and her children are being nothing short of terrorized physically and mentally by a guy that the state agencies simply seem incapable or unwilling to protect them from. An appeal to the media, and to the public is sometimes necessary in order to make it clear that in this imagined scene, at least a few of us will not stop defending our friends…even where the state makes it evident they will not.
And before someone mistakenly thinks they might need to C&D me, you’d better read the disclaimer at the bottom of this website. This is my house, not yours. Conjecture isn’t illegal, neither is imagination, and most importantly neither is my ability to continue speaking out about everything I find wrong in this world….most importantly some imaginary asshat that thinks he can continually terrorize a family, and the fucked up system that is turning a blind eye to it all.
UPDATE:
The CPS division of the DFPS can be located at:
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Protection/About_Child_Protective_Services/. If you need to contact them or even suspect abuse, please call 1-800-252-5400 or go to https://www.txabusehotline.org
If you are an agent of the state or with the media and wish to get more information regarding this article, please use the contact page (CLICK HERE).
wow.
OMFG! Why is this A*&hole still alive? And WTF is up this counselors butt? How can they let those children continue to see him unsupervised? If I were her I would have taken my children to Mexico by now – the kids are safer with the drug lords! Any chance she would be willing to tell her story to the local new station? I’m sure the have a Fox affiliate with the equivalent of Becky Oliver (shudder – would not want to cross that tough broad in a dark alley) that could do an expose on this counselor and DFPS? Maybe then they would actually lock him up for beating his ex and kids? Better do it quick thou I hear they are running out of the lethal injection drugs 🙂
A press release to a newspaper is easy. Write up the article and submit it to the paper. I don’t know anything about getting it on the news, though.
Oh my God. I haven’t heard from her in a while, but I had no idea what was going on. That fucking piece of shit ex of hers.
Let me know when and where and I’ll be there will bells on a HUGE protest sign for you. I’ll burn a candle to Erzule Dantor for your friend, too. Do you still have my number?
Is there any way for your friend to file a petition for physiological examinations across the board? This way if he does have a disorder she can request the courts to place the children in supervised visitations.
I also suggest a book for her, its called ‘Who’s Pulling Your Strings? How to break the cycle of manipulation and regain control of your life.’ By Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D. You know my past experience with a psycho and this book did wonders for me.
Lodie,
Of course I still have your number…I’m afraid of what would happen to me if I lost it 😉 There are a lot of things going on now on this but anything you think of please post here. We need people asking a LOT of questions and raising public awareness about this.
Lots of love at ya hun!
-Tony
Tony, you have me sitting at my desk at work in tears…if only i weren’t in Tulsa! If only I had the freedom and funds to come whisk that girl and her children up and away from that horrible man and the system that is ignoring them! I have, all my life, wishes to be a fairy godmother, so I could get my hands on that ever-lovin’ WAND to wave over those in need, to make things right when they are fully wrong. I applaud your strength and determination to speak up on her behalf and to take steps to help her when other who ought to be plainly aren’t. Miss you, my favorite knight in shining armour!
I can ask some people too, Tony. Text me when you get a chance. I know a lot of Social Workers that might know something.
I have re-posted on my and Sande’s FB page….hopefully our wide network of friends will know someone or be able to offer other ideas. It sickens me that they are having to go thru this and I want to help – if you are going to organize a protest, please let me know – I will be there with a sign three times my size – Yes – I know that is normal sized for everyone else :).
I think this takes us all to our darkest places to pull out our most gruesome defenders. It conjures images of lazy, stressed out, burned out, apathetic “social defenders” who would rather sit around drinking coffee than stay vigilant angainst what will always be in any society… evil. Evil is not going away and we can’t rely on these weak “structures” we place in our government. It will take the whole village. First to cause shame to the evil-doer, so that they know everyone sees what they are. Second to safely stay near and active in the families life so the evil doesn’t feel empowered to act again. We must be our own superheroes. Fortunately we have devices of communication that make this possible. Don’t let this fall into the cracks. Knowing becomes responsibility.
I haven’t even finished reading this, yet I can still tell you what I’ll do.. I’ll gladly report you.. Yes, you Tony. I’ll report you to CPS/TxDFPS, and any other authoritative body I can find.
You have so many inconsistencies in here it’s incredible! I grant you do state these are your “rantings” and that is exactly what it is. Nothing more than rantings.
You have clearly worked up the emotions of those who read, and perhaps comment, these rantings. I’ve never seen this site before, yet something tells me you do this for your own ego.
Oh, as for footnote #3 “The DFPS – the Department of Family and Protection Services is the Texas equivalent of what is better known to most as Child Protective Services.” You are incorrect about TxDFPS being the Texas equivalent of CPS. Do your homework. Texas Department of Family and Protective Services is a state agency, Child Protective Services (CPS) is one of the divisions it houses. CPS investigates all inquiries, regardless of the number.
I live in Texas and have a parent who works for CPS. The fact that she goes to something called DFPS tells me she’s in a different county, but regardless, she can skip her local city and county agencies (and should since it sounds like there is major inattention and malfeasance going on there) and go straight to the state to report the problems. She’s far from powerless against a bad caseworker. The police will be harder to deal with but depending on where she lives she may be able to report it to the state marshall’s, constable’s, or the sheriff’s department.
If you’d like send me a note privately and I’ll give you some agencies she can contact once I know what county she lives in.
Hello “Monica”
What you don’t realize is that I’ve already contacted every state authority I am supposed to regarding this. I imagine you must have some personal stake in considering your candor.
So you report me to everyone you can dear. Make me famous, I have so much documentation and picture information that this would make your head spin. Please also keep in mind that shutting me down will be quite a challenge, as I consider ANY trouble you deliberately send my way a very low price for getting help for her.
If you didn’t understand what I mean, let me paraphrase:
“You’d better bring your lunch. You’re going to be working at this a loooong time.”
and as always, thanks for the comment.
-Tony
Tony-
What I stated before was not about shutting you down. It was about creating a scene people took to be true, when in fact it wasn’t. That along with inconsistencies and some erroneous info.
I’ve been with the state, with connections to TxDFPS, more than a decade. I’m not an idiot. I know how it works. I know they aren’t all perfect, not all angels, not all demons either. I’ve been on both sides of the proverbial table (personally/professionally), so yes.. you can say I have a personal stake.
A friend sent me a link to your post.. I took it seriously, ready to help (if I could).. but when I began to read too much inconsistency, it raised flags.
So, tell you what.. I’ll give you another shot based on what you’ve written here, now..
Tell me this, have you/your friend tried contacting a state legislator? Shoot me an email.
Monica
As for the rest of you..
For anyone who is reading this.. be aware of this: CPS has high turnover where the caseworkers are concerned. It is perpetually backlogged. The caseworkers are understaffed and overworked. They can only do so much. They are only human.
If you want to do real service, please call:
Texas Abuse Hotline number is (800) 252-5400
*any time* you suspect (evidence not required) child abuse/neglect. Reports can even be anonymous.
Monica,
You did actually help me already, I didn’t realize my links to the necessary state agencies were missing and/or broken. Some of the state legislation has been contacted, but not to a degree I am content with and that will be rectified today, there are others who have also already started along that direction this morning as well.
That said, unfortunately, you have specifically not identified yourself as a relevant state agency representative or the media in any capacity, and after serious consideration, I will not be discussing this matter in detail outside the scope of state agencies, the media, or their representation.
I appreciate your willingness to help, but unfortunately it has to stay this way.
-T
Now sure I follow, but… as you wish.
I do not represent any media outlet nor any state agency (not any more, anyway). I used to work for the state. In part, it is because of my state service I am able to provide so much information. For personal reasons, I would prefer not to identify the agencies I worked at, on this site.
I am able to put you in touch with a few state legislators, they are my friends. I may be able to provide you/your friend with places, contacts, etc. but I need a better idea of what is going on. Can you provide a timeline, number of court dates, etc.? Is there in fact a child support case involved? If so, is it at the county level, state level, with a private child support collection agency, etc.?
Any information, without embellishment, can help me better help you.
she needs to call a battered women’s shelter. They specialize in these matters and have no interest in what the man has to say. The advocate for and protect women.
Everyone, you’ve all been incredible. Some of you are friends, some of you I’ve never met…but I can say this, you’ve given her a little hope that there might still be options, and I want to thank you for that. Keep the ideas & advice coming.
You’re all made of 100% concentrated awesome.
-Tony
I have more than enough space to house mom and kids, away from the creep. My door is open and you can assure her that I would have to die at my door before anyone touched her children ever again. When it comes to children and critters, smiles, laughter and love are the only activities allowed in my home. Say the word, I’ll make their beds and buy some extra groceries.
Come to think of it, I would love to teach a little one how to make and pray the rosary.
Now, on a lighter side, can you translate what it is that Jinn said? and should I seriously pray for him/her?
I’m proud of you, Tony! You just keep doing the right thing.
Tell A- I am praying up a storm for her. I am also praying that something so wonderful and life changing happens to the asshole, that he just goes away to enjoy the rest of his life, leaving others to live happily and in peace, never finding it necessary to hurt another living being in order to make himself feel powerful and in control.
Say the word, I am willing to help in any way.
Lizzard-Mom
Just an update. Not too long after this post was made, the asshat in question came under fire for a short time and was very restricted in his dealings with the ex-wife and kids. However once the smoke settled, a very vengeful DFPS put together a mountain of embellished and unproven claims. The list of problems was so many that the judge didn’t even spend the time allowing the mom to disprove them, and two of the children were ordered given to the same man that this same system was prosecuting for abusing them.
I now know may faith in the judicial system is gone and DFPS is a complete joke.
And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.
… If only they were real. 🙁
I don’t even know what to say to this. My heart breaks for the children and the Mother who is forced to hand her children over to someone like that. If she were to not take them, would she be in contempt and be arrested? I just assume that would be why she still takes them.
I understand being backlogged and whathave you, but when children’s lives are at stake, I don’t understand how this can happen. I don’t need specifics or a timeline to know that this is wrong, just because I am not working in any sytem that can help. I would think that if there were any questions of abuse, there would not be visitation allowed…PERIOD!
What will it take to not have these children not return to their “father”? I dare say what could happen. Hello, we have all seen those Lifetime movies!!!
I applaud your friend for leaving and doing all the things that she had done to take care of her children. Unfortunately for some, they did not leave and very very bad things happened. I wish her the best and hope that the system does not continue to fail. Imagine this…..man gets a baseball bat to the back of his head after his children are picked up by there mother. Now that would make some news.