Monthly archives: September, 2009

This is a compilation of a ton a emails and random websludge….enjoy…I know I do 😉

~ When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
~ Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
~ Swat at flies that don’t exist.
~ Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”
~ Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.
~ Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
~ Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
~ Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
~ Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is my personal space!”
~ Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”
~ Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.
~Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
~Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
~Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
~Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
~Sell Girl Scout cookies.
~On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
~Shave.
~Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
~When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
~Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
~Do Tai Chi exercises.
~Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
~When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!”
~Give religious tracts to each passenger.
~Meow occasionally.
~Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
~Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!”
~Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
~Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
~Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
~Burp, and then say “mmmm…tasty!”
~When the elevator is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”
~Say “Ding!” at each floor.
~Lean against the button panel.
~Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
~Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
~ Bring a chair along.
~Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
~Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
~Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
~Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at the passengers.
~Stare at your thumb and say “I think it’s getting larger.”
~If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler “Bad touch!”
~Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming “Aaughh! Get them off!”
~Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
~Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it’s getting to the good part.
~Make chalk drawings on the walls.
~As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting “Down! I said down, dammit!”
~Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
~Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.
~Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
~Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
~Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
~Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
~Ask, “Did you feel that?”
~When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again!”
~Tell people that you can see their aura.
~Call out, “Group Hug!”and then enforce it.
~Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
~Walk into the lift and say “this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days”
~Serve tea and coffee
~Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.