Funny things to do in an elevator.

This is a compilation of a ton a emails and random websludge….enjoy…I know I do 😉

~ When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
~ Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
~ Swat at flies that don’t exist.
~ Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”
~ Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.
~ Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
~ Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
~ Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
~ Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is my personal space!”
~ Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”
~ Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.
~Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
~Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
~Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
~Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
~Sell Girl Scout cookies.
~On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
~Shave.
~Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
~When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
~Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
~Do Tai Chi exercises.
~Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
~When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!”
~Give religious tracts to each passenger.
~Meow occasionally.
~Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
~Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!”
~Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
~Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
~Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
~Burp, and then say “mmmm…tasty!”
~When the elevator is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”
~Say “Ding!” at each floor.
~Lean against the button panel.
~Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
~Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
~ Bring a chair along.
~Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
~Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
~Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
~Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at the passengers.
~Stare at your thumb and say “I think it’s getting larger.”
~If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler “Bad touch!”
~Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming “Aaughh! Get them off!”
~Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.
~Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it’s getting to the good part.
~Make chalk drawings on the walls.
~As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting “Down! I said down, dammit!”
~Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.
~Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.
~Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
~Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
~Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
~Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
~Ask, “Did you feel that?”
~When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again!”
~Tell people that you can see their aura.
~Call out, “Group Hug!”and then enforce it.
~Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
~Walk into the lift and say “this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days”
~Serve tea and coffee
~Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.



Some people…

Someone quoted Ben Franklin to me yesterday…in an argument…about whether or not a news article aired on some daily news station was fit to be aired.

Here are some rules of engagement in logical argument for those that never bothered to learn about it:
1. Don’t use quotes. It makes you look dumb. You don’t prove anything by citing them except that you don’t have any good ammo to argue with.
2. Fact and Fiction. Example: “Our Civil Liberties are being taken away!” Prove the fact. Until then…fiction…and fallacious. Not saying it didn’t happen, but right now the statement hold no foundation. Think about it this way: “Pics, or it didn’t happen.” This will serve you well. not saying that your point want good, but without proof or substantiation you’ve brought only a pillow to a gunfight.

Choosing to air a news article that has zero educational content for the viewer is not censorship…it’s bad journalism, it ahppens continually, and I am loath to say it but some news agencies do it deliberately to stay vanilla enough for ratings. The difference here is we’re not talking censorship, we’re talking about all the earmarks of a good article. If the news wanted to write about how local and state law enforcement are planning on using state military reserves as a precaution for unrest (and yes, even riots) during the H1N1 vaccinations, that fine, but that’s all there was. There was no followup information on how locals could get more information and prepare ahead of time, or even how to help local law enforcement…nada. Even a cheap plug about CERT would have been prudent…but all they did was “filler”…essentially a little supporting data substantiating that they are in fact using reserve military.

I dont think this article conveyed the meaning it should have because it lacked any really good info for parents and concerned citizens…ergo..it shouldnt have aired. This had nothing to do with civil liberties. It had to do with lazy article writing. I know a ton of people that would have put a far better effort into research for something that was going to be aired on national television.

Anyhow…rant over…maybe I will write about it later…

-Tony



On waking up…

Morning food ;)

Morning food 😉

I found it necessary to go back to the normal regimen.

That is, one eggland’s best, sauteed shrooms and bell peppers, and a little shredded jack cheese…

…an apple…

A glass of V-8 Spicy, and a glass of cranberry 🙂

This was some good stuff yo!

This was some good stuff yo!

…heaven 😉

Why am I sharing? Hell if I know, proof of life maybe? 🙂