Sometimes death likes to dance…
So as it happens, I suppose for a while there I got a respite. But Ol’ Grim…he’s never far away…
The problem with loving so many people is the pain felt in losing them. You might hear about my numerous encounters with Ol’ Grim (click here for the renditions, aka Dancing with Death). Unfortunately, as with everyone, if you live long enough and meet enough people, you inevitably get to meet him. Ol’ Grim came to visit tonight, but he didn’t stop for conversation, he just left me a note.
“The docs are giving me 2 years.”
Trust me, even if you hate my guts and wouldn’t waste the dung off your heel on my grave and you’re reading this solely so that you can justify hating reading this even more, you don’t want to ever hear this…
For me it wasn’t the first time. As I mentioned above, the awesome part in meeting so many people is in enjoying having them around and knowing that you’re looking forward to spending more quality time with them at some point in the future.
“The docs are giving me 2 years.”
Don’t get me wrong, my candor might be light, but if you know me, this is like pressing the BAD button for me. I don’t expect it’s much different for anyone else, but since this is my little patch of the internet, I am going to ignore anyone is actually reading this and just vent a bit. I’ve seen more friends pass than most soldiers have to see in battle. I’ve held the hand of the dying so many times it’s become a damn blur. Up until now, I’ve learned that this part of the experience is the same, but it’s also taught me that how people deal with it progressively is an entirely different matter.
I’ve learned how to keep from freaking out. I’ve learned that acceptance is everything and it takes fucking time, but it NEVER (and believe it or not I feel very lucky for this) diminishes the pain.
Today, I am going to spend the day with an old friend, and ignore the hell out of everyone else. Because for once I get to have fun and make the best of it before that day comes instead of regretting the days I missed.
Ciao.
-T
