Tag: Stupid

A Toast to Chester…

Music is Life

I make no secret about the importance music has in my life. At least an hour of my day has music in it intentionally. Not a schedule. Every day i pick the jams. It has had such a profound effect on me that for a long time I would even write in some blog entries on it in Tony’s Music. You can totally say Tony is a dork. But the reality is that music has always been my escape. It has been the voice of reason, expression, intent, consolation, and every other little voice we all have in the back of our head (it isn’t just me right?) *grin* when something really messed up is happening.

Suicide Sucks

Suicide has always been a bane for me. Like a lot of people, I simply dont deal with death very well (read THESE) and suicide is even worse. So in getting the news today it really left me numb…upset…angsty…the same thing every other time suicide makes an appearance in my life…I try to figure out how or why I didnt see it coming, why I didnt reach out more…all the stupid things and idea that rummage through your head when you try rationalize what just happened.

The Concert is a no-go for me

I was planning on being at the Linkin Park concert coming up in October. I was going to enjoy the concert on my terms without 50000 screaming fans weren’t all up in my space. 😉 But now…I don’t think that concert is a good idea for me…it well known that I don’t really do well at wakes, and thats what an LP concert would be to me now…a great big wake with 10000 other people there that are probably thinking the same thing. When I am at my most sensitive, there is always some asshat at a wake that I visibly have trouble restraining myself from shutting him up. Rather than be that guy…it’s just easier (and probably a bit more responsible) not to allow that kind of scenario to play out. I find something fun to do and relax and remember all the awesome things. A concert full of drunk people isn’t fun…for me its a fracking powderkeg. So that’s a big ol’ nope.

So while this week has been insanely busy…Chester’s suicide has totally been crawling around in the back of my mind…

One More light

Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can’t keep

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

The reminders pull the floor from your feet
In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh
And you’re angry, and you should be, it’s not fair
Just ’cause you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it, isn’t there

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Well I do

Find Linkin Parke here.

FYI – Sometimes I talk a lot about death, it’s a coping mechanism or some facsimile thereof. 😉 You can see all the other posts like that HERE.



The River…

Stupid Kids and Stupid Dares…

We all started out as gutsy kids trying to prove ourselves to our friends and be the better in competition etc. Well when I was little, i liked swimming…alot…so much so that at 12 I was capable of most maneuvers and skills in advanced life saving despite being 6 years short of eligibility for it…

So…if you ever hear me say, “This water can take you out, swim this direction and start near this area. Otherwise the undertow might get you.” I would expect you to listen. But of course, I was only 12, and the kids around me had to see who was the most courageous. So after everyone got done daring, it was decided that everyone would dive in at the same time and swim close to a dangerous area. Well…except me, as apparently the 12 year old wasn’t big enough to go.

So they all lined up and dove off the dock into the water below. And as I figured, four of the kids realized they were being stupid and came back…but one guy wanted to be a tough one. So he went out to the hot spot and deliberately dumped his buoyancy…and immediately also started moving away with the current. Now the rest of the guys were all screaming for him to come back but wouldnt get out there to help him.

Into the water goes the 12 year old going after the guy twice his size crying his guts out and starting to dip under because he couldn’t remember just to stop freaking out.

Ever carried around a 100 pound sack of anything for 20 yards? Try swimming with one.

It took me twenty minutes to get back because the dolt wouldn’t stop freaking out and I wasn’t big enough to knock sense into him.

Now, was I scared? Yes…shitless. Was i confident in my ability? Not at all, but no one else was willing. Was the kid grateful? Not in the least, as a matter of fact he was so pissed off at the event that he beat me up two days later for implying that he could have handled things better.

@#$%ing moron. Luckily, I don’t remember ever having to deal with him again after that either.



Hello…you’re waving the wrong flag

flagI have this thing about flags. Specifically, despite all my criticism of our current government policy and leaders, I really hate it I see people protesting here waving another country’s flag. It doesnt matter which other country, it just drives me nuts that people are waving another nations flags in our streets.

Obviously I am not without reason on this, these people feel motivated enough to carry and demonstrate something that symbolizes their goals and/or outrage.

When I see the flags of other nations flying with thousands of people in the streets, I simply get the impression that these people are so effing unhappy or angry that they would raise another coutry’s flag. The impression to me is that they are saying they support another nation over our own…and I suppose this is where I draw the line.

Yes…we’re just talking about symbolism, but to me it’s a very big statement. Not insomuch that people are rallying against the US within it’s own borders, everyone should have that right, but to confront our own people, law enforcement, and/or military waving another country’s flag just makes my arse twitch. Why? Because i’ve always had the impression that that flags symbolism held enough meaning and hope that people would use it as their symbol when they want change or desire greater freedoms. To use another flag suggests a huge lack of confidence in your own country.

This is the impression I get when I see it, and it makes me want to lecture these people on why exactly this isn’t solving their problem/cause as much as it likely to be segregating it from what everyone that isn’t protesting feels.

Anyhow…end small rant. And yes, I am going to be writing lots more…there is simply too much stupid in the world for me not to comment on it. 😉

-Tony